You never know another’s ‘backstory’…

You never know someone's backstory.

I had a friend (since passed) whose story still is in my heart.

I don't really know how to start the story - he was such a close friend... but there was this 'sacred' part of his narrative he didn't share with colleagues - even with people he considered ‘close friends’ and who considered him the same.

Yet, he was there for me when I went through my divorce.
He was there for me when I fought for custody of my children.
He was there for me when the mundane frustrations of work arose and I needed a walk and a coffee and to swear at the world... or to laugh at it.

He became very unwell - and even in his illness, he never shared...until the very end, he never shared anything that was personal. He always was so brave-faced to the outside, cynical and dry - but brave-faced none the less. There were 'cracks' in his facade - but most didn't see them. Those that loved him, and accepted him, we did... but he wouldn't let many in.

I knew... or rather suspected.

On one of our walks, he opened and we talked deeply about suicide. A 'very close friend' of his was recently lost to suicide... and he was struggling to understand how this man, who he had never mentioned to me, but was clearly, very close to, could do this. Having worked with Lifeline for a handful of years, these conversations were not unfamiliar - but were still very charged. I prayed I could find the right words to help.

I noticed that my friend became... changed from that loss. And the negativity in life seemed never far away.

He died, only a few years later in his 40's, (cancer took him). After this, I got to meet his Mum, and his Sister. I found out more of his 'back-story'... and perhaps some missing pieces of the puzzle.

My Friend adored his father. He Loved him, as I love my children (and step children). His Dad took him to work regularly. His Dad shared with him, a love for his profession. His Dad was proud of my friend's youthful enthusiasm toward their shared interests.

And... years later, as a young man (teenager) he came out to his Dad, the man who showed him such love, and care, and concern.

And his dad rejected him.

Completely.

My Friend never recovered. This man, my friend - who grew up to become a light for so many, learned to rarely trust - the pain of rejection was too great.

I wonder, if people realise that when others have lived a lifetime of the trauma of being rejected for WHO they are... that there is an understandable aversion to situations where they could be rejected again.

It takes real bravery to be who you are, regardless of the fear (and real possibility) of rejection.

Be kind people.

You never know someone's 'back-story'.

#compassion, #LGBTQIA, #insights, #trauma,