Hard Lessons
Horseshoe Bend
Photo from Unsplash
by Joshua Peacock
Compassion for the aggressor:
“The maintenance and enhancement of the perceived self are the motives behind all behaviour”
-Arthur W. Combs (Humanistic Psychologist)
It was 5 a.m. In the predawn light we were reliant on head torches. The party I was guiding was packing up our camp on a wide and rocky desert ledge 15 metres above the Green River in Utah. A spectacular day was ahead, and we wanted to see the sun rise from the seat of a canoe. The junior guide rushed to my side while I was loading the canoes at the river’s edge. He had an anxious look on his face... an incident was starting to unfold on the ledge, toward the rear of camp, and it required immediate attention.
‘in the gloaming’
Photo from Unsplash
by Perry Kibler
The group consisted of a mix of participants from 16 to 60 yrs old. They had all signed on to experience a socially integrated experience, a time which enabled people of all abilities, backgrounds, and beliefs, to connect whilst in the wild power of nature. Some participants were college students who wanted to see a desert river. Others - individuals who wanted to share their love of the outdoors with those who couldn’t easily experience this. Some were people who required some support for mobility, either via age, or injury, or disability. But all wanted an adventure into not only the spirit of the land, but into the context of group dynamics that allowed and included everyone.
Knowing that everyone in the party actively signed up for both the physical and the emotional challenge, was a useful thought to use to keep me (as a facilitator of socially integrated trips) to help de-escalate what was occurring.
Approaching the tent I could hear a 50-something year old corporate executive, (clearly tired and without his morning caffeine) berating his teenaged tent mate for supporting the decision made (through democratic process) by the group the previous night to rise before dawn for an early start. His attack was vicious, personal and fuelled with many more years of experience in argument and debasement than the unfortunate teenager could muster in his defence.
I was tired and nervous, yet I was strengthen by a quote by John Wayne who said, “Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway.”
This moment was ripe with learning – not just for me but for everyone involved. You may have heard me talk of content and context, and one's ability to speak to both. This was such a time.
The actions of the executive were not skilful. And he knew it, even while he was genuinely struggling with doing the right thing. I knew, and reminded him, that in that moment, I was only seeing one part of this person, a part that had come out due to a specific set of circumstances.
I shared with him his intentions made at the beginning of the trip, and helped him to see - with discernment (not judgement) how he was reacting rather than responding to the present situation, and how his reactions were affecting others. More importantly, how these reactions were reinforcing a pattern that may be affecting his own ability to thrive in the world (let alone those around him).
‘sunrise on the water’
Photo from Unsplash
by Alex Moliski
Leaders, like anyone, can fall into habitual patterns of thinking. Yet if we are skilful leaders, then it is our obligation to help others overcome the unskilful habits that keep them from realising their potential. We can only do this, if we are walking our own path toward insights.
The issue on the river was resolved for the better.
The aggressor realised he was out of line, sincerely apologised, and through his outburst, realised a habitual pattern of unskilfulness in his own life. It hit him hard – and the change he experienced for the rest of the trip impacted on his perception of self… yet was compassionately noted and appreciated and supported by the rest of the group.
This humbling epiphany only occurred, however, because that experienced, knowledgable, and highly capable 50+ exec was willing to risk ‘looking the fool’ in examining his unskillfulness, and processing how he wanted to change this.
The valuable lesson:
“Our ability to help others reach their potential will increase as we increase our skill / courage in talking about the difficult subjects.”
If you want an adventure, and are willing to take your own path to insight, why not contact me today?
#InsightfulPath; #InsightfulExecutiveCoaching; #leadership development; #difficult conversations
